Take a deep breath and say these words, "No, I don't want to have sex". 
1. If the question arises while you are kissing, stop what you are doing and change the tone of the moment. Emphasize your words with actions. 
2. Be prepared for questions and/or objections. Stay true to yourself and your stated feelings. 
3. Calmly explain why you choose abstinence. List all of your reasons be they religious, moral, personal or situational (or any combination of these). 
4. Tell the other person how you feel about them and be honest. If you really love them you can still stick to your commitment to abstinence and say so. 
5. Tell the other person the depth of your commitment to abstinence. Tell him/her you don't plan on having sex until you are married. 
6. There is no reason for you to down play your commitment to abstinence. At times like this honesty is an absolute must. 
7. If the other person keeps on pressing, say "No!" again. You may have to say this more than once to make them see you are serious. This may be a sign that you should leave. 
8. Do not try to diffuse the tension with lots of kissing and/or other physical gestures, this will confuse your message of "No!". 
9. Draw the line firmly and if the other person doesn't appear to be getting it, leave. 
10. If the other person starts trying to coerce you or force you to have sex YELL "No!" and physically push them away. Leave. If they restrain you or intimidate you – try to call the police. Do not get together with this person again. If you have been raped or they continue to harass you- press charges or obtain an order of protection if they are or were coercive, intimidating or restrained you.
11. If the other person pulls the old "If you loved me you'd do it" line retort with "If you loved me you'd wait". Sex is not a test of your love or feelings for another person and saying "No!" to sex does not mean you have failed to show your love. 
12. If you feel uncertain of your ability to stay true to abstinence, leave. Your first decision and commitment was to say no and now is not the time to second guess yourself.
13. Remind yourself that if God meant for you to marry this other person – you would both agree to remain abstinent. Any coercion or conflict of values is a sign that this person is not walking in the light and not committed to Christ. God doesn’t want you to associate with those who are sexually immoral.

Tips:

1. Abstinence is the only 100% effective form of birth control and the only way you can guarantee you won't catch an STD (HIV, Chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, etc.). 
2. If you aren't a virgin you can still choose abstinence with pride. 
3. Having sex will bring negative consequences. Abstaining from sex is God’s will for your life and is a safe way to live.
4. Don’t get into heavy kissing or petting. You are putting yourself in a compromising situation. 
5. Love and intimacy can be expressed in many ways. Anyone who makes intercourse the test of your love is being manipulative and doesn’t care about God’s standards, what is best for you or your values. True love waits until marriage.

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13 Steps to Successful Dating from God Will Make a Way by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend

1. Begin with pursuing God (Matthew 6:25-34) and become the healthiest person you can become.
2. Get your relationship needs met outside the dating context. 
3. Learn your patterns (old relationship patterns from your original family, seeking completion for something you lack in yourself, idealistic wishes for yourself, inability to set boundaries, fear of closeness or intimacy) and work on them so you do not repeat them. 
4. Date according to a few nonnegotiable values (faith, honesty, sexual purity, etc.). Avoid vileness, faithlessness, perversity, slander, evil, pride, deceit, and lying. 
5. Expand your tastes. Be open to going out with people who you would normally not have on your list. 
6. Be yourself from the beginning. Don't adapt to what you think the other person will like. Be who you are and give the other person the freedom to do the same. 
7. Don't put up with bad behavior, and set good boundaries. 
8. Take your time. You would not allow a stranger into your house without proper identification, but many people allow virtual strangers into their hearts, minds, souls, and bodies. 
9. Stay connected in other relationships. Members of your support system are the ones who are most objective about the people you are dating. 
10. Get active. Network with friends and family, pursue the things you enjoy, join others who have the same need, use your gift of hospitality, and do something structured. 
11. Look in the mirror. Is something about your personality, behavior, or the way you come across to others getting in the way of meeting people? 
12. Keep yourself sexually pure. Honor sex as something holy and keep it confined to the marriage relationship. 
13. Abide in God - and have fun! God is the one who will make a way, so walk with him daily. Pray about your dating life and ask him what he wants you to do.

Tips for Remaining Sexually Pure

1. Develop your own personal boundaries for sexual activity. 
2. Make a choice to realign your peer group to include like-minded people/Christians who are committed to honoring God and their own personal boundaries in their character and conduct. 
3. Find an accountability partner with whom you can be completely open, honest, and vulnerable who can help keep you from falling into temptation that could lead to sexual activity. 
4. Share your pledge of sexual purity with significant relationships (parents, dates, close friends) to help underscore the seriousness of your commitment. 
5. Make careful decisions about whom to date and where dating activity takes place. 
6. If you make a bad choice, promptly admit it and get back on track. 
7. Remind yourself often that premarital sexual activity can result in unwanted pregnancies, sexually transmitted disease, emotional problems, and spiritual problems, to name a few of the consequences.
8. Walk away, use the telephone, or call a parent or friend if you find yourself in a compromising situation. 
9. Be of help to a friend in his or her fight to remain sexually pure. 
10. Avoid all drugs and situations where they are likely to be present. 
11. Avoid all drinking situations or occasions. 
12. Don’t let yourself become overly dependent on another person. 
13. Seek knowledgeable help when you feel weak. 
14. Live in TODAY, not yesterday. 
15. When in doubt, ask questions. The only stupid question is the one not asked. 
16. Be willing to go to any lengths to stay sexually pure. 
17. Be honest and consistent. These behaviors are fundamental to maintaining sexual purity.

Printed with permission from the National Coalition for the Protection of Children & Families. (revised)
Committing to Sexual Purity and Abstinence
Saying NO to sex is very hard if you really are attracted to and like your partner. But being pressured to have sex when you have committed to abstinence and want to please God - puts you at risk and takes all the fun out of your relationship. If you want to make certain that your partner understands your decision, try these tips. If he or she is right for you, they’ll be willing to wait until marriage and will want to please God as you do. Actually, this could be a test of whether this person is the ‘one’ God has for you.

Try more tips:

Tell your partner “NO” is the best form of birth control and the only SURE way of avoiding unplanned pregnancy and diseases such as HIV/AIDS or other STD’s. 
1. Don’t be alone for long periods of time. 
2. Determine not to go any further than kissing and don’t kiss for long. 
3. Be open about the fact that you are committed to abstinence and that you will not get into petting. 
4. Make sure that your partner knows how you feel and you don’t want to lose him or her. You could say “I think you’re great, but I’m committed to abstinence and sexual purity. I believe that God wants couples to wait for marriage to be sexually intimate. I want to follow God’s will in my life. What about you?” Be careful here. Your partner may use this as an opportunity to persuade you and may even use scriptures. This is a clue that he/she is not concerned with sexual purity and probably has been involved sexually with others in the past.- This is your opportunity to flee temptation. 
5. Explain your reasons for waiting. Know what you want. Be clear with yourself so you can be clear with your partner. Do not be persuaded. In fact, you may need to cut off the conversation and the relationship if it is clear that your partner has standards which conflict with the Word of God. 
6. If your partner is putting pressure on you to have sex, it may be time to call it quits. Someone who loves you enough will be willing to wait until marriage. Someone who really loves you and claims to be a Christian will want to follow God’s will for his/her life and your relationship. A Christian will want what is best for you. If your partner can’t wait until marriage, it’s time for you to find someone else who cares and respects you and your values more than sex. You deserve someone who is on the same level with you- striving for sexual purity – someone who won’t pressure you.
7. Be proud of yourself for being able to say no. You know what you want and don’t want. Remember, it’s your body and your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit!!
   Give God control of your decisions and your body! SEX IS MEANT FOR MARRIAGE!!!
   
   1 Cor 6:18-20
   Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. NIV
   
   Resources:
   Overcomers Outreach, Inc: 1-800-310-3001; 1-714-491-3000, Anaheim, CA
   Pure Intimacy: addressing online sexual temptation. A Focus on the Family resource.
   © copyright 2004 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC