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Overcoming Lust
- By Lynette Hoy
- Published 11/6/2007
- Sexual Addictions
-
Rating:
I need some advice. I am 18 years old, male, and, not surprisingly, struggling with lust.
Now my spiritual history- I have grown up in Christian schools. I have gone to church all of my life. I spend a lot of time in the Word and could probably quote chapter and verse for anything that you want to know about Christianity. Those things don't mean a lot in themselves, but I also have a genuine love for Christ and an unquenchable thirst to learn more about Him and to be more like Him.
God is everything to me, and if I am not seeking after Him, I am always depressed and unhappy with my life. Every dream that I have for my life revolves around knowing Jesus better. Now here's where the two meet- and it's not pretty.
I literally feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I can spend hours in prayer or in the Word in the morning, and then in the afternoon completely lose control and look at pornography. Or I can spend months completely "clean" and doing incredibly well in my fight against lust, and then I go out with my ex-girlfriend with no lustful intentions whatsoever, and leave feeling ashamed that I was tempted so strongly and that we crossed some physical boundary lines- and we aren't even together!!
I am so frustrated because it seems like no matter how much of God's truth I absorb, no matter how much I pray and ask God for strength, no matter how much I cry out to God for forgiveness, I can throw it all away in the blink of an eye.
I know I should probably have some sort of accountability, but as wonderful as my church is, there is no one that I really feel I can trust in a position of leadership and spiritual authority. Is it completely impossible to win this type of battle without direct accountability? I claim to love God and try to follow Him. My whole identity is wrapped up in the person of Jesus Christ. But I just cannot seem to get free (or let go) of this lust problem. Please help me.
Answer:
I believe that you do need accountability. This verse in James 5:16 says: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." It implies that the body of Christ provides a support group kind of environment and there is power when a group is praying together!
1. Preventing sinful behavior and lust:
Become involved in a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and in a Christian group for men ( Faithful and True or just a Bible study) and you will find support from others struggling with these issues.
Obtain a filtering system on your computer so you can't visit the on-line porn sites.
Call a spiritual mentor for prayer.
Memorize scriptures which are applicable such as;
1 Cor 3:16-17 "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple." NIV
1 Cor 5:9-10 "I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people- "
1 Cor 6:13-20 "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"-but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." NIV
1 Cor 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." NIV
Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."
Write these on cards, in your palm pilot, iphone or wallet so you can review them through-out the day and when you are being tempted.
James talks about how we are "tempted by our own desires".
Get insight into your triggers so you can make a plan to walk away, distract yourself and pray.
Explore when you have had control over or escaped these temptations. This will help you apply the healthy coping skills that have worked for you in the past which will prevent sinful behavior.
Your online plan: Make sites like Faithful and True; and Pure Intimacy part of your favorites list. Read the articles on these sites to learn more about how to prevent this behavior.
Limit your online time and make your online time important -- important to your learning, to spiritual growth and helping others.
Here are 3 steps to implement when you are tempted:
--Prayer is number one.
--Pick up your Bible and memorize scripture.
--Phone a Christian mentor (male) who can pray with you and for you.
When these steps don't help you then, you need professional counseling and a 12-step or Faithful and True support group for men with sexual addictions. Please contact AACC for a referral to a mental health professional .
Investigate the reasons you are battling these issues. Obviously, this has been a pattern of behavior and sin in your life. This is spiritual battle that started when you were 13. Satan knows your weakness. But, nothing is too hard for the God of the universe to overcome. Mighty is our God and faithful to come to our rescue!!!!! With Christ you can overcome these temptations and sin because His Spirit lives in you!
Order and read the following books:
False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction by Harry Schaumberg
Every Man's Battle The Path to Sexual Integrity by Stephen Artenburn
Every Woman's Battle : Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment (Paperback)
by STEPHEN ARTERBURN (Afterword), SHANNON ETHRIDGE
© 2002 All rights reserved. Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
Now my spiritual history- I have grown up in Christian schools. I have gone to church all of my life. I spend a lot of time in the Word and could probably quote chapter and verse for anything that you want to know about Christianity. Those things don't mean a lot in themselves, but I also have a genuine love for Christ and an unquenchable thirst to learn more about Him and to be more like Him.
God is everything to me, and if I am not seeking after Him, I am always depressed and unhappy with my life. Every dream that I have for my life revolves around knowing Jesus better. Now here's where the two meet- and it's not pretty.
I literally feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I can spend hours in prayer or in the Word in the morning, and then in the afternoon completely lose control and look at pornography. Or I can spend months completely "clean" and doing incredibly well in my fight against lust, and then I go out with my ex-girlfriend with no lustful intentions whatsoever, and leave feeling ashamed that I was tempted so strongly and that we crossed some physical boundary lines- and we aren't even together!!
I am so frustrated because it seems like no matter how much of God's truth I absorb, no matter how much I pray and ask God for strength, no matter how much I cry out to God for forgiveness, I can throw it all away in the blink of an eye.
I know I should probably have some sort of accountability, but as wonderful as my church is, there is no one that I really feel I can trust in a position of leadership and spiritual authority. Is it completely impossible to win this type of battle without direct accountability? I claim to love God and try to follow Him. My whole identity is wrapped up in the person of Jesus Christ. But I just cannot seem to get free (or let go) of this lust problem. Please help me.
Answer:
I believe that you do need accountability. This verse in James 5:16 says: "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective." It implies that the body of Christ provides a support group kind of environment and there is power when a group is praying together!
1. Preventing sinful behavior and lust:
Become involved in a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ and in a Christian group for men ( Faithful and True or just a Bible study) and you will find support from others struggling with these issues.
Obtain a filtering system on your computer so you can't visit the on-line porn sites.
Call a spiritual mentor for prayer.
Memorize scriptures which are applicable such as;
1 Cor 3:16-17 "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and you are that temple." NIV
1 Cor 5:9-10 "I have written you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people- "
1 Cor 6:13-20 "Food for the stomach and the stomach for food"-but God will destroy them both. The body is not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body. By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, "The two will become one flesh." But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." NIV
1 Cor 10:13 "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." NIV
Phil. 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me."
Write these on cards, in your palm pilot, iphone or wallet so you can review them through-out the day and when you are being tempted.
James talks about how we are "tempted by our own desires".
Get insight into your triggers so you can make a plan to walk away, distract yourself and pray.
Explore when you have had control over or escaped these temptations. This will help you apply the healthy coping skills that have worked for you in the past which will prevent sinful behavior.
Your online plan: Make sites like Faithful and True; and Pure Intimacy part of your favorites list. Read the articles on these sites to learn more about how to prevent this behavior.
Limit your online time and make your online time important -- important to your learning, to spiritual growth and helping others.
Here are 3 steps to implement when you are tempted:
--Prayer is number one.
--Pick up your Bible and memorize scripture.
--Phone a Christian mentor (male) who can pray with you and for you.
When these steps don't help you then, you need professional counseling and a 12-step or Faithful and True support group for men with sexual addictions. Please contact AACC for a referral to a mental health professional .
Investigate the reasons you are battling these issues. Obviously, this has been a pattern of behavior and sin in your life. This is spiritual battle that started when you were 13. Satan knows your weakness. But, nothing is too hard for the God of the universe to overcome. Mighty is our God and faithful to come to our rescue!!!!! With Christ you can overcome these temptations and sin because His Spirit lives in you!
Order and read the following books:
False Intimacy: Understanding the Struggle of Sexual Addiction by Harry Schaumberg
Every Man's Battle The Path to Sexual Integrity by Stephen Artenburn
Every Woman's Battle : Discovering God's Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment (Paperback)
by STEPHEN ARTERBURN (Afterword), SHANNON ETHRIDGE
© 2002 All rights reserved. Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
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Comments
Comment #1 (Posted by Madhu.G)
Rating:
Thank you very much for this. Way of temptations are many but God is our redeemer when we come with this attitude.
Comment #2 (Posted by an unknown user)
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it's good to know that there's help
Comment #3 (Posted by JORGE R.)
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IT SEMMS TO ME THAT ANYBODY WHO HAS A SEXUAL ADDICTION PROBLEM HAS TO WORK HARD IN OVERCOMING IT.THIS IS NOT FOR LAZY PEOPLE,I BETTER GET TO WORK IF I WANT TO BE HEALED. THIS IS SO BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH LITERATURE OUT THERE ABOUT IT THAT I HAVE TO DO SOME SERIOUS RESEARCH.
Comment #4 (Posted by C )
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This was excellent! Just what the doctor ordered. This is such a difficult habit to break because its a matter of self control. The triggers are everywhere. Ive known I was under attack for a long time. Nows the time for me to stop. God is amazing and mysterious. What kind of love is this merciful and willing to help? Christ baby :0)
Comment #5 (Posted by JC)
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This note and website is helpful. Thanks for healing people in name of Jesus. I really feel the need to confess some personal problems. I will do it through this site. God bless you! I believe all adictions are defeated in Jesus name!
JC
Comment #6 (Posted by O'Bryant Williams)
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Very strong and direct approach to defeating sexual immorality and such temptations. I know and believe with the help of Jesus and these strategic plans we all can overcome these battles. Thank you! With the help of The Lord I now look forward to applying these principles in my daily walk with God and witness them yeild godly results. Please keep me lifted in prayer.
Comment #7 (Posted by RA)
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Honestly the issue that you just described, seemed to be the never ending struggle that I had battled since youth. It's amazing how many people are out there with the same issues.
Personally, I found it extra humiliating because... well, I'm not a guy. But the fact of the matter is that now I am aware that God loves me regardless of what I do. I pray that, not only will you get a revelation of God's love, but a real understanding that only God can fill the void, you're trying to find in sex.
Obviously, this doesnt mean that we should do whatever we like, but that we don't need to walk in shame, condemnation and fear because of a problem.
The bible says in ephisians (a brill book btw) to meditate on things that are pure and good... and renew your mind. Keep doing your bit, and pray that God gives you the grace to do so, as he does his.
God bless you.
Comment #8 (Posted by an unknown user)
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I have been trying to overcome this for a long time and I think I have finally found the best help. Thank You So Much!!!!
Comment #9 (Posted by an unknown user)
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Thanks, i needed the information. God Bless.
Comment #10 (Posted by Carl E Strickland)
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Very helpful and inspiring.
Comment #11 (Posted by an unknown user)
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I have had a vicious cycle of growing lust, watching porn, masturbating and fornicating and I am born. I feel so guilty. I badly want to stop these habits and relate with God and my fiancee wholesomely.
I need more help
Comment #12 (Posted by Lynette Hoy)
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go to this site for more help: http://www.everymansbattle.com/
Also, see a Christian counselor who specializes in the area of sexual addictions. There is help and hope! God does forgive and give power to change!
Comment #13 (Posted by Dr.John Wesley)
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Nice,sharp and abstract passages from the bible!! Thanks to whoever posted that in the name of the Father May God BLESS YOU. :) . Masturbation is being practised by youngsters across the globe and few are not ready to accept that is a sin! but the practical way to flee from masturbation is 1)Kneel and seek God's guidance cause devil trembles to see even the weakest saint on his knees 2) Engage yourself in things you like 3)Never stay alone or sit idle 4)Avoid the company of sexually perverted people 5) Do some physical workout or choose any sport you like 6)Cut down junk foods and too much of redmeat cause the food we take is responsible for automated hormonal secretion which causes unusual gonad stimulation
And finally 7)Keep a trustworthy prayer mate and pray together when you feel temptated! GOD BLESS YOU ALL
Comment #14 (Posted by zeke)
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I have felt the same in many ways. this makes me feel very combat innefective. like the devil doesnt see me as a threat because hes got this distraction in my life. yes accountability is needed as well as prayer and reading, but this is a self control issue. girlfriends or ex-girlfriends, either way. dont put yourself in a situatiion where youre alont. thats just asking for it. as far as the computer goes, i put mine on the counter so i cant get comfiortable infront of it. safety locks and filters are useless if you know the passwords, trust me. it satrts with self control. just say know. paul writes to timmothy to Flee. to turn and run when these situations present themselvess. run run. i will be praying for everyone in this matter i hope you will be praying for me as well.
Comment #15 (Posted by ANonymous)
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Wow thanks so much I'll try this. I'm 17 and I really struggle with masturbation, I've been trying 2 stop 4 ever but it's really hard, I'll take this great advive on and import it into my daily life, I'll write back in a month to tell you if it works, this is a real challenge for me hopefully my competiveness will rise to the occasion and I can beat this habit starting now. I will write back soon, Im going to beat this now thankyou....remember guys, this is every mans battle, we r not alone and Jesus forgives us all so lets beat this habit once and then it will never come back.
Comment #16 (Posted by MICHAEL)
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Thank you. This is just the break I need.
Comment #17 (Posted by Judah)
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I've been experiencing the same thing. Lust is my favorite sin, I want to stop it but the enemy keeps on tempting me. Masturbation is also my struggle. It left me sometimes feeling guilty and feeling undeserving of Gods favor. Thanks for the tips and resources which I could check on which wouyld help me ovedrcome my struggle. TO CHRIST THERE IS NO IMPOSSIBLE!
Comment #18 (Posted by :-))
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...thanks for this.. i am teen haist.. need more to learn how to overcome my sexual lust ! help me... I cant stop watching porns i tried but it always win.. I wish I can.. God help me..
Comment #19 (Posted by Karthick Johnson)
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I have been experiencing the same thing ..... I was looking for a way to over come my lust of Eyes & mast..... Thanks a lot for your advice...I hope God will help me
Comment #20 (Posted by overcome)
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All human need God`s mercy n grace,may God help me to defeat all lust n porn before it is too late...i really need Jesus strength n His holiness to fill me all the time
Comment #21 (Posted by St Paul)
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i'm 28, married to the most wonderful woman, blessed with a 2-year-old daughter. I have leadership positions in church and various ministries. Yet i still struggle with porn, masturbate, and have extra-marital affairs. My sex addiction has caused havoc in my family. Thanks for the tip. I'm meeting someone to pray with in a few hours
Comment #22 (Posted by Joshua Guy )
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Thank you so much for this article. I'm 23 male single (sigh unfortunately) and I have a problem with Masturbation. It seems that is one of the biggest issues in my life that I feel unclean. Even though I love showers and baths and feel more in peace I'm more likely to masturbate. I have a very creative sometimes uncontrollable imagination and that's when it happens.
I'm a Christian but I'm both cursed and blessed with Aspergers Syndrome. I know God created me like this for a reason and I know he has but my social life is little or none.
Please pray for me.
Comment #23 (Posted by anonymous)
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i'm having this very same problem, in fact the way you described it yours is almost completely identical i always find myself struggling with this...if anyone thinks they can help or offer words, ANYTHING just message my e-mail... by the way anybody out there with the same problem i pray for you.
Comment #24 (Posted by david)
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a very healthy read. Should be shared with as many christian men as possible.
Comment #25 (Posted by Poloko Kowa)
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This issue is a serious one cause as single people we are trapped in to this thing. Sometimes it is hard to stop it cause you meet with temptation every day at work, schools and even in the street. But i appreciate your views, i think they are very helpful if somebody can be commited to them and apply them.
Comment #26 (Posted by mitch)
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A very good article indeed. Today is the day when i will do everything i can with God's help to overcome this issues. Thank you for this extract.
Comment #27 (Posted by Bryan)
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I am a middle age man and I struggle
With lust. I fantisize about other men. I was raised in church, worship GOD and can get distracted looking at a man. I know that I shame GOD and Jesus. I need help.
Email to Bryan from Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC:
"Dear Bryan, I know you feel overwhelmed by this addiction. Please know that there is hope and forgiveness that can be found when you put your faith in Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior. This is a spiritual battle as well as an addiction. Read about how to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ in the faith section at www.counselcareconnection.org. And find many helpful resources at www.keepbelieving.com and www.pureintimacy.com. When Jesus comes into your life - He will give you power to overcome the sin and lust in your life. You will need a support group and guidance from a pastor or Christian counselor. Nothing is too hard for God to accomplish in your life. God bless you. Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC"
Comment #28 (Posted by weary)
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this is exactly my problem too, I can overcome it and I think that what we need to remember is we can win, it's not an overnight victory though. It's a hard fight to the finish, but if we push onward in Christ and we pray, and we seek and we confess then we can win, it's hard I know, especially when so much time is spent in front of a computer but, as Christ love in our life grows, our desire of flesh will dwindle to nothing. That's how I see my struggle, it's something I know I have to change, and to do it, I am starting from square one in Christ. So that when I am ready to serve God I can with all my heart.
Comment #29 (Posted by vladimir)
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so nice!! tnx!
Comment #30 (Posted by Emmanuel)
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Thanks so much for the issue addressed. i felt like you were also talking to me direclty. I am also struggling with lust. I am born again and in a turmoil, i am seeing non-christians and they lead me to sexual sin. I have never found a solid fellowship or confidant with whom i can be able to share this problem. I dont seem to get a click with born again ladies, thats why i find myself moving with those who are not born again. I always pray and each time i repeat the same mistakes. How can i get rid of these ladies from my life completely? i really n truly desire to grow more in the Lord and in fellowship...
Answer:
Dear Emmanuel, read the articles on addictions. http://www.counselcareconnection.org/articles/6/1/Handling-Addiction---What-You-Can-Do/Page1.html
The fact that you cannot tear yourself away from women who tempt you means that you are still living in sin and addiction.
You need to flee temptation. God provides a way out but, not if you are still putting yourself in the path and place of sin and sinners. Start going to church and getting involved in prayer, support and Bible study groups. This will help you gain strength to overcome the temptations. I hope you find this helpful! God bless! Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC
Comment #31 (Posted by Matthew)
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Yeah its true, I felt that myself. I recommend you one thing, enjoy who you are in Christ! You are a saved Child of God, enjoy that blessing. You fall to sin, confess and move on(I John 1:9) Dont fall to humanistic methods of trying to make the change yourself. Concentrate on the Word, enjoy the Gospel, pray about this problem, and wait! God will change you. One day, you will notice you are stronger and less willing to do those stuff but it wont happen until you start accepting you are sinful. Just like everyone, God understands your problem and He has the clear solution. I have never had an accountability while struggling through this, but by just enjoying that I am saved, God works on me. Yes, I am a man and may fall to trials, but I know also were I stand with Christ and I wont let satan make me feel bad and make me feel depressed, you know why? Because the moment you were saved, everything was solved. You received the Holy Spirit in you and is with you eternally! Just hold on to Him and dont put to much mind unto it; but enjoy it and just dont think about it much. What, because you saw porn in the afternoon after a morning of prayer, God doesnt accept you? That is a misconception many have, you are His son and you He is in total control of you. So relax, you are a human being, enjoy that you are saved( billions arent) and pray! God wants you to know your blessing and to be happy not depressed whenever you fall to a problem because of our sinful state. :)
Comment #32 (Posted by Diana)
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Hey guys thanks for sharing. My heart goes out to you guys. Especially with those who feel so much guilt and shame afterwards. The Devil IS A LIAR. He sets you up for failure and then makes you feel like crap right afterwards. Don't believe His lies..the Bible says you are righteous in Gods sight. God understands your struggles and knows that your human (and a man), remember He made you. Jesus is the answer guys...thats it be consumed by Him and encourage yourself in Him daily..the Holy Spirit will help you. It happens very very slowly but you will get there. I struggle with lust myself but I know my struggle is nowhere as difficult as it is for you guys. BUT keeping myself busy in the Lords work and letting the word renew my mind has done so much..I mean I see progress. I can say no to those thought know..and it becomes easier each time. You guys are precious and you are MEN, warriors and strong don't let the Devil tell you otherwise. You can do it. Just don't give up, be relentless. The Holy Spirit is by your side. I know we women are not doing a very good job of making things easier for you guys...even us Christian women. I am sorry. But I would encourage you guys to go deeper when you tell us of your struggles and tell women what they can do to make things easier, and be specific. Some women may not care but there are Christian women out there (like me) who really wanna know about this stuff...it helps me be more sensitive to your struggles and wiser about my choice in clothing. Thanks all of you men for your honesty..to me thats makes you even more of a man.
God Bless you guys x1000
Comment #33 (Posted by han)
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thank you for your words of wisdom... i can relate on it... even though that i am a girl... i definitely suffers from this... and i don't know how to overcome lust in my heart... i tried to runaway from it... but the problem is... it became habitual when i feel into it... i really want to get this feeling out of my mind... and i thank God that he even let me to read this... i really feel ashamed of my self... hope God hear me... please pray for me about this... thank guys! God bless you more...
Comment #34 (Posted by ZARION)
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THIS IS OUR BATTLE GUYS...DONT GIVE UP!
YEAH......!