Codependency is another popular and overused term today.  Yet the syndrome of codependency continues to cause problems in people's lives. Codependence means that one person has been so controlled and consumed by another person’s problem that they develop a set of their own problems revolving around that other person’s problem. 

In general the relationship where there is codependency causes excessive dependency and taking on of someone else's responsibilities. 

For example: a housewife with alcoholic husband feels confused, anxious and in crisis and tries to get her husband to change because she feels over-responsible and guilty for her husband’s alcoholism. She takes on shame and guilt for her spouse's unacceptable behavior and thus takes on his responsibilities. 
The codependent person also has a need to feel needed. Ultimately, codependency is based on fear and self-protection versus relying on God.  The codependent person needs to feel in control and thus, takes on the other person's responsibilities because he/she cannot handle the tension of the consequences that result...ie., when the boss calls to see why that person did not show up at work, the codependent makes an excuse for him/her because of the fear or potential of job loss.

How might faulty Christian teaching promote codependency?  The Christian feels like he or she has to turn the other cheek or go the extra mile in every situation.  Or he or she may have a Savior complex in which he/she feels a responsibility to fix every problem which comes along.  Christians may promote denial or confrontation of problems for the sake of peace (at-all-costs) vs. speaking the truth in love about taking responsibility.  This is part of the reason that families take on  dysfunctional roles which emulate the "don’t talk, don’t feel, don’t trust" rules.

Codependent people suffer from these symptoms:

  • loss of objectivity,
  • warped sense of responsibility,
  • easily controlled or controlling, 
  • excessive feelings of guilt, hurt and anger, loneliness,
  • extreme fear of rejection,