The fact is that you can change since there is no clear evidence that homosexuality is biological and thus, a permanent condition. The American Psychological Association writes:
"What causes a person to have a particular sexual orientation? There is no consensus among scientists about the exact reasons that an individual develops a heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or lesbian orientation. Although much research has examined the possible genetic, hormonal, developmental, social, and cultural influences on sexual orientation, no findings have emerged that permit scientists to conclude that sexual orientation is determined by any particular factor or factors. Many think that nature and nurture both play complex roles......"
Let me make an analogy of your situation to the person who has an alcohol or drug addiction or any addiction for that matter. Stopping a behavior, ending the relationships and social connections and lifestyle that go along with the addiction, is going to mean a lot of change ... and take a lot of courage.
Let me ask you if you have ever really considered the consequences of your behavior? Have you asked yourself questions like: how is this lifestyle going to affect me five or ten years from now? What kinds of health risks am I exposing myself to? Aids, STDs, herpes? What do I want in life? What is my identity, and what am I missing out on by not living and behaving like a heterosexual person?
My guess is that you really are not comfortable being in the gay lifestyle, or you wouldn't be contemplating leaving. Maybe things are not too bad for you now, but, what will be the consequences down the road if you stay in this lifestyle?
You are making choices which will affect you forever. The possibility of having a husband and family will become more and more remote. You are making choices about sexual preference which run against the grain of societal norms, and might I say, the very nature of how God made you.
Your lifestyle will prevent you from knowing God personally. I'm talking about knowing the God of the Bible. In your heart of hearts, you may be defending your choice to remain in this lifestyle even as you read this message. My question is: what makes you feel defensive? Usually, people feel defensive when they are not confident about what they are doing or confident about the choices they are making.
Let me say upfront that I do not condemn or judge you. You are accountable to God - not me. How do you feel about your relationship with God? Would you like to learn more about Him and experience a personal relationship with Him? If so, read about faith on this site.
Considering God's Will and What's Next:
Secondly, I'd like to say that it is your conscience that is speaking to you about leaving this lifestyle. A still, small voice inside is telling you that it is not right. I want to urge you to follow that voice. Take a risk. It will take courage, but it is not an accident that you feel the way you do. I believe it is God who is also telling you to leave. God is the One who will grant you the supernatural power to leave.
You are really afraid to stay any longer - to keep living this way because ultimately it is not fulfilling. So, if God is telling you leave, then He will go with you into new territory. Just like an alcoholic who makes the "break", leaves the bar and starts going to Alcoholic Anonymous meetings -- you too can leave and start going to meetings sponsored by Homosexuals Anonymous or Exodus International. Another great resource is Love Won Out.
You can also start going to a church where you will get encouragement and spiritual strength to live differently. To live according to the way God made you to live.
Obviously, there are no easy answers for overcoming any addictive or unhealthy behavior and lifestyle. But underneath your addiction and lust is a deep thirst. A seemingly unquenchable thirst for something to satisfy, something to take away pain, something to bring excitement. In any addiction there is emotional pain that needs numbing, a psychological and physiological need for a high, and a deep spiritual thirst for answers to life and relationship with God.
You are looking for answers to your deepest needs in all the wrong places. In the Bible, Jeremiah 2:13 God says, "My people have committed two sins: they have turned from Me the living water and dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold no water" (NIV).
Who quenches the deep thirst for something satisfying in life? Only God. People try to fill that thirst with everything but God and they dig trenches, bigger, longer and wider, trying the same things that don't work, don't quench their thirst.
Jesus said in John 6:35, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty"(NIV), and in John 6:51, He said, "I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world" (NIV).
You have fallen into a trap and now you need supernatural help to escape. You need to begin with God, counseling and support. Read part 11 for Steps to Change.