Question: I don’t really know where to begin…
I’m 22. I work at a daycare, and each day I take care of between 6-10 children from age of 7 mo. - 1 year 4 mo. It is stressful. The kids cry non stop. I am always running around like my head is cut off, my boss is very bad at what she does, and the place is always understaffed.
Not to mention my co teacher in the room complains 24/7 not only about the workplace but her life in general. I seriously, have lost it. I have serious anger issues. I get angry at the littlest things. I know that 99%… I probably have depression I have extremely HUGE anxiety and stress.
Last week two days in a row I went home and looked in the mirror, and there were hives all over my chest. and on my neck.
I can’t quit my job because I need money big time, another stressful part of my life. I’m trying to find a new job…
My point is I am afraid that I take my anger out on the kids. at certain points all I see myself doing is yelling. I Can’t take the crying anymore. I can’t take my co teacher complaining ALL DAY about the same stuff every day. Any advice? thank you in advance. Signed, Anonymous
Answer: Dear Friend, you need a new job. In the meantime - until you find or train for other jobs - I suggest you make a plan to defuse your anger this way:
1. Take a time-out as suggested whenever you can. Remove yourself - even for a few minutes - to calm down. Do some deep breathing.
2. Start changing your self-talk. Write out recent scenarios and what you said to yourself which may have caused you to become more provoked with anger. Change your self-talk to incoporate phrases like this:
“I don’t need to let this minor issue upset me.”
“This person isn’t capable of dealing with their problems. Maybe he/she is just having a bad day.”
“Take a deep breath. Don’t let this - crying, demanding, event- trouble you. You have more important concerns than this.”
“I can cope with this. I can try to manage this situation.”
“What will this issue matter to me in a week or so?”.
Some people find prayer a helpful intervention as well.
3. Get support. If a situation gets so bad - you need to ask a co-worker or your supervisor for help. Or maybe you need to ask for a change of patients/students. Get a counseling evaluation for your depression.
4. Stress management. Make sure you have time to wind-down after work. Get some evercise and take time to meditate or pray. Cut down on the stress in the rest of your life. You have more control over the stressful challenges you face personally than you do at work.
Listen to these podcasts: 4 Q’s to Disarming Anger
and Talk Yourself Out of Anger!
See all of the Quick Tips for Managing Anger podcasts at: www.whatsgoodaboutanger.com/podcasts.xml
Here are some resources to teach you skills for managing your anger: What’s Good About Anger? .
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Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC
What’s Good About Anger podcasts, blog, resources …
Lynette Hoy
Lynette J. Hoy is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the State of Illinois. She is credentialed by the NBCC as a National Certified Counselor (NCC) and has been granted the credential: Board Certified Professional Christian Counselor by the International Board of Christian Counselors. Lynette is designated by the National Anger Management Association as an Anger Management Supervisor, Consultant, Diplomate and Certified Anger Management Specialist-1V. She has co-authored three editions of the book: What's Good About Anger? , the Expanded 16 Lesson Workbook and authored various workbooks and training manuals. She provides anger and conflict management classes, certificate courses and seminars. Mrs. Hoy successfully completed the Domestic Violence 40-Hour Training program. She has written the Safe Relationships & domestic abuse resources with a Christian perspective for victims. She was on staff at Calvary Memorial Church in Oak Park as Director of LifeCare Ministries for 9 years. Lynette is a Critical Incident Stress Management provider and a crisis counselor with the Crisis Care Network providing counseling and debriefing to various companies. Contact Lynette at: 1-630-368-1880, ext. 1.
Mrs. Hoy counsels adults, adolescents, children and couples dealing with grief, depression, self-esteem, domestic abuse, eating disorders, anxiety, sexual abuse, divorce, anger, crisis, conflict, stress, spiritual, marriage, family and relationship issues.
Lynette holds a Master's Degree in Community & Family Counseling from Northeastern Illinois University and a Bachelor of Science degree in Nursing from North Park College. Mrs. Hoy's education also includes studies in Theology and Christian counseling from Emmaus Bible College. Lynette has been a speaker for Rapha, American Association of Christian Counselors, Evangelical Child & Family Agency, Channel 38, professional, women's and community groups and churches. She has published various articles in AACC publications, the Women Today and Godly Business Woman magazines.
Lynette presents seminars & workshops on Anger, Stress, Depression, Grief, Assertiveness, Women's issues/topics, and Divorce Recovery. She co-presents the Anger Management Institute Trainer-Specialist Workshops. Lynette and her husband, David, an Attorney, are trained instructors for PREP's "Fighting for Your Marriage" seminars. Lynette is a member in good standing with NBCC, AACC, ICA, IMHCA and NAMA professional counseling and anger management organizations. Lynette and David have one adult married daughter, Colleen, who is a Law partner with her father in their Oak Brook, IL Law Office.
It is Lynette's desire to live for Christ and to share the wonderful news of the gospel: that through faith in Jesus Christ people can know for certain their sins are forgiven, they are going to heaven and discover new meaning, hope and help for their lives right now! Lynette is the President and co-founder of CounselCare Connection, P.C. with Steve Yeschek, LCSW & the founder of the Anger Management Institute. Dr. Bedell is the Clinical Director of the Anger Management Institute and CounselCare Connection, P.C.