Question:

Hi, my name is D. (age 14) and I have a problem, but before we get to that I would like to ask if you are "Christian" or JW's or Mormans, because I am seeking Christian help. My problem is that I have been looking at pronography for the last while (2 months off and on) and I feel very very bad for it. I am scared that I am or getting addicted to it. But what scares me the most is that I am not only looking at heterosexual pornography but I am also looking at gay pornography!
I have read at another christian website that boys going through puberty can go through a "gay" phase. and I am wondering if my looking at this type of pornography is a result of that. I have been praying to stop with little success. I am wondering if you think that I should tell my parents about it or ,as long as I stop, just keep it to myself. The reason I ask it because I am extremely embarrased about this and I am terrified to tell my parents about it. I just wish that this had never happened. I also ask you to pray for me... Desperate


Answer:
Dear Desperate, Yes. We are Christians. You are right that sometimes young boys can go through an exploratory phase with the same sex but, this should be short and transition to attraction towards the opposite sex. Any sexual exploration prior to marriage is sinful and should not be entertained. Since there is such a temptation to cave-in to sexual desires – there needs to be restraint and discipline put on those feelings and behavior.

I recommend that you guard your heart and mind because the more you seek to fulfill the lustful desires – the more desire will grow. This can become an addiction and usually men who struggle with sexual addictions started at your age with pornography. Many men and teens have become homosexual or child molesters and sexual predators because they started with pornography. You don’t want to go there. You want to stop now and grow into a healthy, heterosexual young man capable of sustaining godly, healthy and wholesome relationships with women and eventually having a normal, loving Christian marriage and family.

Believe me when I say that loving and obeying Christ is the most satisfying life a person can have. I became a Christian at about your age when my parents were divorcing. I have enjoyed knowing Christ and experienced His purpose in my life - seeing answers to many prayers over the past 45 or more years. Read my story here: FAQ's - God's Plan for Success

Here is Advice on Purity

And here are some articles of advice with some links and resources: Advice: Re: Sexual fantasies and Lust: Still Struggling

I suggest the following steps to help you prevent falling into sexual/ pornographic temptation:

When you feel the urge coming on you do 3 things prior to caving into the temptation (you do have a choice whether to indulge yourself or not)…

1. Pray for God to help and strengthen you not to fall into this temptation. Write out some verses to read while you are praying such as: 1 Cor 10:13-14 “But remember that the temptations that come into your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will keep the temptation from becoming so strong that you can't stand up against it. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you will not give in to it. 14 So, my dear friends, flee from the worship of idols.” NLT and “I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.” Phil. 4:13

2. Ask yourself: What is the way out of this? Remove yourself from the computer and distract yourself. God doesn't suggest that you hang around and see if you can withstand the temptation - He commands you to: "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. 19 Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body." 1 Cor 6:18-20 NIV
"Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Tim 2:22 NIV

3. Flee by calling a friend, playing a game/sports, taking a walk, reading an inspirational book or exercising.

Commit your life to the Lord. All of us are tempted throughout the day and need to recommit ourselves to the Lord. Prov 3:4-6 says:

† If you want favor with both God and man, and a reputation for good judgment and common sense, then trust the Lord completely; don't ever trust yourself. In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success. TLB

Put internet filtering software on the computer – you may have to ask your parents to do this since it will cost something. Look up: CleanSurf.com. There are many of these programs and you will need to research which is the best. Don’t be afraid to ask your parents to help you so you can avoid temptation. They will understand that you are struggling – since this is normal!

And read some of the related articles and advice below on this site: Welcome to Pure Life Ministries

This book: Every Man's Battle Guide : Weapons for the War Against Sexual Temptation (The Every Man Series): by Stephen Arturburn is a must-read!

God bless you! © 2007 Lynette Hoy, NCC, LCPC 

Comment: Dear Writers, we want you to know that there is nothing too hard for God to help you overcome. Give God a chance. Surrender your life to Christ and immerse yourself in His Word. Get support and prayer from your Pastor and spiritual mentors. If you are struggling with homosexuality - you can contact Exodus for help and support at: 1-206-784-7799 or Homosexuals Anonymous .