Giver-Taker Inventory:

Check the statements which are true in your significant relationship(SR).

Are you:

The one who usually calls? ___
The person who feels disrespected? ___
The person cleaning up after other people? ___
The person who listens and shows empathy? ___
The person who gives up his/her choice to make him/her happy? ___
The person who does extra work around the house (so my spouse can rest)? ___
The one who works extra hours to pay more bills? ___
The person who is more affectionate? ___
The one who keeps the peace at all costs? ___
The person who gives special gifts to him/her? ___
The one who feels manipulated? ___
The person who feels stepped on? ___
The one who is resentful for caving in? ___
The one who gives much more attention to him/her? ___
The one who has to account for your day? ___

Total your scores from this column. Each statement you circle = one point.
1-7 = Giver
7-15 = Codependent Giver

Check the statements which are true.
Does your spouse or significant other:

Take advantage of your desire to help? ___
Rarely call you? ___
Rarely help with your needs? ___
Disrespect you? ___
Care only about their needs? ___
Overlook your interests or choices? ___
Demand you do things their way? ___
Tend to shirk their responsibility? ___
Tend to expect you to make ends meet? ___
Abuse you verbally or physically? ___
Often tell you to do one more thing? ___
Tend to distrust you? ___
Hide the truth from you? ___
Seem to not appreciate you or the things you do? ___
Plan activities without asking for your input? ___
Harass you and intimidate you? ___
Demand you perform sexual acts you would rather not? ___
Total: ________

Total the questions in this column you circled. Each statement = one point.
1-6 = Taker
6-16 = Egotistical Taker

If you circled any of these: #4, 7, 10, 16 and/or 17 – your spouse or significant other is abusive. Read about Domestic Violence and Abuse.

©2004 by Lynette J. Hoy, NCC, LCPC